The nurses here, on the whole, have been really great. They are attentive, empathetic, and thorough.

But I’ve been thinking about the strange relationship we patients have with our nurses. I find myself constantly thanking and apologizing to them for things that, in any other context, would not be things you would thank or apologize for.

“Thank you…for stabbing me with a sharp implement for the fourth time today!”

“I’m sorry…but I’m attached to this huge machine and I really need to use the bathroom, because said machine is constantly pumping fluids into my system that have to go somewhere in the end. I’m sorry about that, too.”

“Thank you for the pills that will make me nauseated!”

“I’m sorry but I can’t reach the trash can because of this machine I mentioned previously that is plugged into a huge hole that I thanked you for poking into my shoulder.”

“Thank you…for waking me up in the wee hours of the morning to suck blood from my veins.”

But the thing is, in this context, I really mean all those “thank you”s and “I’m sorry”s. A stem cell transplant is a marvel of the universe and these are the people bestowing that miracle unto me and keeping me alive through the process. So I am grateful, and I’m sorry when I make their jobs even a tiny bit more difficult.

Three days out from transplant and my immune system, as represented by my white blood cells (WBC), is starting to bottom out. Soon there will be nothing left, which is exactly what needs to happen so that the new marrow can take over. It’s a little unsettling to know that I will be without any protection from the world at all for the next week or so.

I felt pretty rough this morning, but that was mainly nothing new. My hemoglobin was very low, and after they transfused some blood back into my veins, I felt mostly okay for the rest of the day. Even took a walk this afternoon through the halls of my floor, which does wonders for me physically and mentally.

I’m still eating, albeit less than usual.

Cabin fever is setting in now. Being stuck in a tiny room day and night without getting outside is a strange experience. I believe we are easily reaching the longest I’ve been indoors at a stretch in my life, and I still have a long way to go while we wait for my numbers to start returning to better levels.

My potassium is in a better place today, so let’s hope it stays there.

Thank you for reading my blog and to everyone who has sent me emails and messages of support and commentary on my entries. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to reply to everyone yet, but please keep them coming when you’re so inclined. It really does boost my psyche.